A few days ago, Garrett pointed to one of Al‘s old blog entries titled “Suicide is Painless-Not!”

I read it, and went about my business.

Today at the end of Torah Study, Rabbi Aron said that [name] was in the ICU at Kaiser Santa Teresa and that the prognosis was negative, and that his husband, [name2], would welcome visitors. She went on to say that [name2] didn’t want any misconceptions about what had happened: [name] was suffering from depression, and had attempted suicide.

After services, we ran into mutual friends in the parking lot who said that Rabbi Aron was going over to the hospital to talk with [name2], who was ready to sign a DNR order for [name] — so if we were planning to visit, now was the time.

So we rearranged our tickets for Pride and Prejudice and went to the hospital to do what we could to support [name2]. We had no problems finding the ICU, and other friends were going in at the same time, so we went directly to [name]’s room. He was lying on the bed, with a ventilator breathing for him, hooked up to various monitors which kept beeping ominiously from time to time. [name2] was in the hallway behind the room, with yet more friends (I’m sure we were well over the hospital’s visitor limit). He greeted us and said that he was waiting for the neurolgist’s report, but that all signs indicated that all that was left was to say “goodbye” to [name].

I don’t know if [name] felt any pain. I do know that [name2] did.

[Name2] said that the reason he hadn’t tried to “protect” [name] by telling people that there’d been an accident was that he thought that if people knew what had happened — that [name] had attempted to kill himself because of depression — that it might help someone else. And especially that it might convince someone who saw that someone else was talking about suicide (or was just depressed) to get that person some help.

And that’s why I’m relating their story. At this point, it’s the most useful thing I can do for either of them.

Although Diane and I are no longer running the informal minyan at Shir Hadash, we’re still very involved. So today, she’s reading Torah and I’m leading the service and giving the D’var Torah (the discussion of the portion). And here it is.

D’var Torah: Parashat Toldot (Genesis 25:27-34)

“I’m famished; let me gulp down some of that red stuff.”

“He ate, drank, got up, and left.”

Those sentences come from today’s portion, but they are also all too typical of our lifestyles today. How often do you just grab whatever’s convenient? How often do you gulp it down (maybe while you’re driving or working)?

I don’t know about you, but I have to plead guilty on both counts ”“ especially when it comes to having lunch. All too often, I find myself squeezing in lunch during a telephone call, hoping that the people on the other end can’t hear me chewing. And now that I have a wireless headset, I can even stay on the line while I get up and go (I do try to remember to use the mute button).

But was Esau just famished, or was there something deeper? An alternative translation is “exhausted” or, as in The Five Books of Moses, with introductions, notes, and commentary by Everett Fox (New York: Schocken, 1995, p. 117), “weary.”

In fact, Esau was so worn down that he didn’t even pause when Jacob told him that the price of the meal was his birthright ”“ he just wanted to eat, drink, and go on his way.

In today’s world, it’s very easy to get worn down by the press of events and the demands on our time ”“ even when one is relaxing by watching TV or reading a magazine, there are endless calls to buy, sell, or donate. And you’re likely to be multitasking anyway.

Today is Shabbat, a day when we’re supposed to slow down (stopping is probably impossible!), do no work, study, and reconnect, with God, and with ourselves. That’s our birthright ”“ but we have to be careful not to give it away for a shiny new toy or a glass of red stuff (even if it’s fine Pinot Noir!).

Shabbat Shalom.