Snakes on a Plane: The Allegory

Jeff came up with this as we were out for our evening walk. Presented for your approval, Snakes on a Plane: The Allegory.

Tomorrow, the film Snakes on a Plane will be released. It is the story of two FBI agents, played by Samuel L. Jackson and Mark Houghton, protecting a witness (played by Nathan Phillips) who will testify in a very important trial. An assassin has released 500 snakes to kill the witness on the plane. The film may sound unintelligent, but in reality, it is the most sophisticated movie of the decade. For the film is not really about snakes on a plane: it is about the War in Iraq.

The plane in the film is really the United States of America. The witness represents our innocence as a nation, an innocence that keeps America flying. But Vice President Cheney’s company Halliburton seeks to poison America’s soul (Phillips) by sending misinformation about weapons of mass destruction into the country. To stop this spread of lies and deceit, the heads of the 9/11 Commission (Jackson & Houghton) seek to protect the county’s innocence, knowing full well the real threat in the War on Terror is not Iraq. However, if it is bitten, all of America will panic and go to war, with the risk that the whole country will crash. Jackson’s character best sums up how America feels about being lied to: “That’s it! I have had it with these m^th@rf*#(ing snakes on this m^th@rf*#(ing plane!” In our world America was bitten; we can only hope that the world of Snakes on a Plane will be much more happy.

But the film manages to delve into even deeper issues than Iraq, making it the most allegorical work since Arthur Miller’s The Crucible. It carries a double message in a way that few movies can. For the film is also about high school, and the pressure to get into college without crashing.

The plane is Kehillah Jewish High School. Its goal is to transport its students to college in a safe, non turbulent, kosher ride. The Ivy League schools are represented by the snakes, sent by the parents of Phillips who are so carried away with their child’s future that they do not notice that the Ivy League schools’ expectations (in the form of the snake bites) are hurting him in the present. Jackson, Houghton, and Phillips represent students in this film. Jackson and Houghton are trying to protect their friend Phillips from the Ivy League schools’ influence. If Phillips is bitten, he will become an overachiever, sacrificing his life trying to follow the snakes back to their lair, Harvard University. Jackson’s courageous line “That’s it! I have had it with these m^th@rf*#(ing snakes on this m^th@rf*#(ing plane!” sums up his frustration with the system.

Parents everywhere are advised to see Snakes on a Plane twice, once keeping in mind the War in Iraq, and the second time keeping in mind their children’s futures. Afterwards, they are advised to show this film to their children twice as well. If a five year old says, “That’s it! I have had it with these m^th@rf*#(ing snakes on this m^th@rf*#(ing plane!” parents have done their job: they have bred a child who will not go with the flow and will stand up and fight. Snakes on a Plane is truly the most allegorical movie ever released.